


Betrayal

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Death Eater Draco Malfoy, F/M, Jealous Draco Malfoy, Reader-Insert, Sex, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 08:11:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9170164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's sixth year and you return to Hogwarts with the strange feeling that maybe everything isn't the same with your lover, Draco Malfoy.





	1. Chapter 1

“Good afternoon, students.” Professor Slughorn greeted you and your classmates as you entered the potions classroom, each taking your usual seats. Of course, you sat next to your boyfriend, Draco and began to sort out your desk so that you could get on with lesson. Truthfully, you hated Potions like truly, truly hated the subject with a passion. You could just never seem to get it right and the only reason you put up with it at all is because you were always Draco’s partner and he was somewhat of a potions-master. Draco always came top of the class; well, sometimes he came second to top if Granger was doing particularly well and maybe sometimes he was bitter about it but you just let him get on with it. You never had anything against the Gryffindor lot that your boyfriend so passionately hated but you often let him go on his rants about Potter this and Weasley that just so that he had someone to listen to him.

“Today, you’re going to be working in pairs to brew a potion known as a Confusing Concoction; just one drink of this will induce confusion and distraction on the drinker and possibly even sickness.” Slughorn explains and you’re only partly listening due to your complete lack of interest until he states, “I’m going to mix the class up a little today, some of you will be swapping partners. Hmm now, let’s see…” Slughorn’s eyes scan the classroom until his eyes fall on you. “Ah yes, Miss Y/L/N, would you like to move over and sit with.” Anyone but Potter. Anyone but Potter. “Mr Potter over here.” Typical. Now Draco is going to moody for most of the day.

You nod at his words, not really bothered yourself about having to work with Potter but you can practically feel Draco’s annoyance radiating off of him. “This school is a fucking joke.” He mutters under his breath and you roll your eyes; he’s always so bloody melodramatic. You shoot Draco a pointed look as he scowls in the direction of your new partner and maybe part of you is a little happy that he’s pissed about you not working with him but the other part thinks maybe it’s time for him to get over his petty feud. It’s been six years, for God sakes.

“It’s just potions class, Draco. It’ll be over in an hour.” You tell him quietly as you gather your things and he nods, visibly relaxing at your words. Once all the partners have been swapped, you get up from your seat and begin to move over to Potter. Not before giving Draco one last glance, one that tells him to ‘just fucking relax’ because damn he gets so possessive sometimes and you’d understand if you were spending every minute with Potter but you’ve not even sat down with him yet,

As you sit down, you smile lightly at your partner before uttering a small ‘hello’ and it’s a little awkward because the two of you have never spoken before. Potter seems a little weary at first, understandable given the fact he hates your boyfriend and your boyfriend isn’t exactly quiet about the fact that he returns that dislike. But there’s no time to dwell on that now, you’ve just gotta get this hour over with.

~~~

By the end of the lesson, you’ve come to realise that Potter isn’t all that bad. In fact, you’re not entirely sure why Draco hates him to start with because he really is quite polite and he’s not so great at potions but he helped you out along the way nonetheless. He even offered to help you out a little outside of class to boost your grades but the thought of telling that to Draco made your stomach twist a little. Yes, Potter’s nice but he’s not that nice. And so you politely decline when he offers and he accepts it, dropping the matter immediately as he moves on to the next step of the potion.

The lessons over faster than you expected and you feel Draco’s eyes boring into you from behind as you levitate your cauldron to the back of the classroom for it to brew overnight, saying bye to Potter in the process. You’ve been able to feel Draco watching you for most of the class and by this point it was definitely starting to get to you; why was he watching you that much? Didn’t he trust you? “What’s wrong, Draco?” You sigh once everyone has left and it’s just the two of you exiting the classroom.

“Nothing.” Draco states, his voice monotonous as he walks briskly alongside you through the corridors. He’s lying, you know him well enough to be able to tell when he’s biting back his words. And so you hum a little in acknowledgement at his one-word answer, noticing the way he huffs under his breath and he’s definitely going to say something even if you don’t push him because he’s Draco and he doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut. “I expect you’re looking forward to next potions class.” He sneers. Yep, there it is.

“What makes you say that?” You ask, feigning interest in your voice but you know exactly what’s coming. Draco’s never been insecure, Draco rarely ever gets properly jealous no matter who you choose to hang around with because it’s as though he knows he’s better than everyone else, above them and therefore has nothing to worry about. But with Potter, he’s always different. Perhaps it’s his status of being ‘The Boy Who Lived’, ‘The Chosen One’ you don’t know but you can tell Draco feels threatened just by the fact that you spent an hour with him.

“You and Potter.” He spat out the name like it was poison on his tongue and he’s obviously thinking that maybe that’s enough to make you understand but he continues anyway. “I thought maybe you’d be a little less all over him. But no. How many fucking times do you have to touch his arm, I mean, you were touching him every time I looked at you. I half expected you to have a little self-respect and try to keep your distance, you know what he’s like Y/N, he’s-“

“Shut up!” You stopped walking as soon as you cut him off and Draco stopped walking too, obviously a little taken aback at the way you raised your voice at him but you were too annoyed right now to care. How dare he claim you have no self-respect? Just because you tapped Potter’s arm a few times to grab his attention when you needed help. You’d never seen this side to Draco before; yeah sometimes he’s a little possessive but never like this, never enough to talk to you that way. “What the fuck did you want me to do? Just sit there in silence until the lesson was over?”

“I wanted you to not go behind my back like that.” Draco states as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world. All you can do right now is let out a bitter exasperated laugh because he’s acting ridiculous. Pathetic, even. You’d think at his age he’d be mature enough to not immediately jump to conclusions just because he’s blinded by hatred but clearly not.

“Go behind your back? Draco, I was sat in front of you! You were staring at me the whole time; I couldn’t have been less behind your back.” Draco stays silent after you’ve spoken and you can already tell he’s calming down but you’re not completely okay yet, not okay with the way he just snapped at you. Because he never does that, not with you. “I wasn’t all over Potter. All I did was tap his arm a couple of times when he stopped paying attention and you know how much I struggle so I kinda needed some help.” There’s a shameful expression on Draco’s face, as though he knows how wrong he was and he’s regretting it now. “I don’t understand why you didn’t trust me, I’ve never-“

“I do trust you.” You raise your eyebrows a little at his words in disbelief because is certainly doesn’t seem like he trusted you just a few minutes earlier. “It’s just I love you so much and seeing you with him makes me so angry, Y/N. I don’t mean to take it out on you, it’s Potter I’ve got a problem with.” He explains you and you feel yourself already starting to forgive him. Because he told you he loves you and even though he says that multiple times a day, it never ceases to make your head spin and your stomach flutter with butterflies. “Now let’s just forget about this, please?” He mutters, holding his hand out for you to take and you nod before holding his hand as you both make your way to the Great Hall.

~~~

It’s been just over a week since your disagreement with Draco and you’ve had potions a couple more times. The first few times, you could tell that Draco was still on edge, you could practically feel it across the room but now he seems to have relaxed just a little. He doesn’t watch you anymore and after the lesson he’s not off with you, he’s just normal and you feel more relieved each time you notice it. Things with Harry have also been going a lot more smoothly, now that you don’t constantly feel under the pressure of someone’s gaze you’ve been able to actually talk – no awkward silences. You’ve even taken to calling him by his first name, something you never did before and you don’t know if that was force of habit due to being around Draco so much but it feels more natural to say Harry. In fact, your friendship has developed enough for you to accept his offer for potions tutoring. Not that you’ve told Draco and you hate actually going behind his back this time but telling him would just cause more problems – and maybe it would be easier for you to not hang out with Harry but it seems a little backwards to not be friends with someone just because your boyfriend doesn’t like him.

And that’s why you find yourself making your way back to the Slytherin common room at just gone 2am because you lost track of time in the library and before the two of you realised, it was way later than you excepted it to be. But you managed to make it back to the common room without any run-ins with Flitch or his wretched cat, Mrs Norris and you let out a sigh of relief once you entered the room; the cold air of the dungeon feeling more homely to you than ever. That is until you looked over to the couch that you expected to be deserted but you see that familiar head of platinum-blond hair and your heart drops into your stomach.

“Where’ve you been?” Draco asks with no greeting as he stands up from the sofa and it’s clear he knows exactly where you’ve been because there’s that jealousy in his eyes again. You search your mind for something to say but your mind draws a blank completely, why didn’t you tell him to start with? Or better yet, you should have just not fucking gone. Because you realise how bad this looks, turning up to the common room in the early hours of the morning. Of course, it looks bad and Draco has every right to be angry right now but he’s probably thinking the worst and it’s nothing like that.

“I was studying.” You tell him truthfully, shuffling your feet a little and as he takes a couple more steps towards you, you can’t look in his eyes because right now you feel awful. He’s not stupid though, obviously, he can see right through so you close your eyes a little as you speak. “With Harry.” You’re dreading looking at Draco’s face right now, he’s probably even more pissed than when you first walked in after hearing you say his name but as you open your eyes, he doesn’t seem angry. He seems a little hurt, there’s still jealousy there but there’s hurt as well and you feel terrible right now. “It was only because I struggled so much in class and he offered to help me get my grade up.”

Draco shakes his head, dismissing your point entirely with a wave of his hand. “So you needed help with potions and you go to Potter of all people? You could have come to me, Y/N. Merlin, I’d have rather you ask Granger than him.” Guilt pools in your stomach at his words because it’s true, you could have just as easily asked Draco to help you; Draco, your boyfriend who is way better at Potions that Harry has ever been. Why were you so damn stupid?

“I-I didn’t think, honestly.” Draco looks at you as though you were stating the obvious just then and maybe you were. It’s clearly obvious you weren’t thinking if you just went with Harry like that. You don’t know if it was a way of getting back at Draco for being so out of order last week but you’re not even sure yourself. “I wanted to be polite and he’s not so bad, y’know but I didn’t mean to stay that long. I didn’t even realise the time.”

“Don’t you get it? He’s the reason my father is in Azkaban!” Draco practically yells at you and you flinch a little at the sudden raise in his tone, tempted to shush him so he doesn’t wake anyone up. But he’s right. He has every right to be jealous, he has every right to be mad. In Draco’s eyes, Harry tore his family apart and now you’re practically becoming best friends with him.

“Fuck Draco, I-“ you start but you don’t even know what to say right now because what can you say? “I don’t know what to say. I just forgot- I forgot what happened. And I realise that makes me sound even worse because it sounds like I forgot about what you’re going through but I never did. I just didn’t realise that it was him.” You’re desperately trying to explain yourself right now because god, you feel terrible and Draco looks beyond upset right now but you’re tired and he’s tired and really, what more can you say.

“Go to bed.” He mutters, not pushing the matter any further and your heart rate quickens because you don’t really wanna sleep when you’re on these kinds of terms but before you can protest he speaks again. “I’m tired and it’s late so just drop it, go to bed.” It’s not like Draco to just back down from something that way but you’re not going to argue, he’s clearly exhausted; both from this and things at home and you’re not willing to put any more pressure on him. “We’ll talk about it in the morning,” He speaks before he heads up the stairs to the dorm room without even saying goodnight. So you follow his lead and head up to your dorm, your mind already spinning with how you’re going to apologise the next day. This isn’t going to be easy.


	2. Chapter 2

Breakfast time. It’s breakfast time right now and you are fucking tired – no, tired isn’t even the word. You’re fucking exhausted. You spent half the night trying to fall asleep and the other half you didn’t spend trying, you were trying to figure out what the fuck you were gonna say to Draco to stop him thinking you’re the worst girlfriend in the world. Because right now you are the worst girlfriend in the world and he’s probably thinking it himself and if he’s not you’re thinking that he definitely should be. Your plan for this morning was to get up early, early enough to be the first in the common room and that way you’d be able to see Draco as soon as he made his way from his dorm. And so you did just that, your head feeling a little clouded with sleepiness as you got into your robes before you make your way to the common room.

It turns out you weren’t awake as early as you’d wanted to be, not that you were really asleep in the first place but you still weren’t down here quick enough. The common room was quiet but disturbed, people had already left and you could still hear voices from up the stairs indicating that others were awake. Draco was probably still up there, you thought, knowing him well enough to know he doesn’t rush to get out of bed. In fact, he’s not a morning person at all and he rarely talks at breakfast until he’s fully awake and then he’s his usual charming self. And then you think that maybe this isn’t a good idea, confronting him on a morning but when else can you do it? You can hardly wait till after breakfast because then it’s- oh Merlin, then it’s potions. For two hours. You can’t bare the thought of sitting with Harry for two hours without having resolved things with Draco. No, it has to be now.

Except now most people have left the common room and you’ve ignored Daphne’s urgent calls for you to ‘hurry to breakfast before Greg scoffs it all’ because Draco hasn’t come down yet and where the fuck is he? Daphne left with an impatient roll of her eyes but you dismissed it as irrelevant because there were more important things to be worried about right now. Like the location of your boyfriend. Unless he had a similar idea to you and he left the common room earlier so that he wouldn’t have to face you. But that’s unlike Draco, it’s unlike him to shy away from things that bother him and he’s even more unlikely to avoid you. Or at least that’s what he used to be like. Draco’s been different since you came back to Hogwarts for sixth year, he’s kept himself to himself more than usual – even from you. He’s more hostile, he’s more guarded and merlin, you’ve been back at school almost a month and the two of you haven’t even fucked yet. Now that’s unusual. You don’t blame him though, he went through a lot this past summer what with Lucius going to Azkaban and losing your father that way would change even the most heartless of people – not that Draco’s heartless; oh no, Draco’s kind, so so kind. But that loss somewhat justifies his sadness as much as he tries to hide it, you can tell he’s struggling and you made it worse. He probably was trying to avoid you.

And when you get to breakfast, he’s not there either and Blaise hasn’t seen him all morning which is strange because his bed is next to Draco’s; something you remember clearly after many nights of sneaking into their dorm room and being intimate with Draco, protected by various charms that ensure no one would overhear. Though it’s not like people never knew what happened, of course everyone did when you occasionally wake up in Draco’s arms and they don’t bat an eyelid because why would they? It’s just decency to not let everyone in the room hear when you fuck.

Your stomach is swirling with anxiety as you make your way to potions because this is where you’ll see him; Draco wouldn’t miss potions if he didn’t have to and you’re not going to be able to speak to him even when you do see him. But when you sit down next to Harry, barely showing as much of a glance in his direction and Slughorn starts introducing the lesson, Draco still isn’t there and now’s the time you can justify feeling a little bit concerned. Maybe more than a little. Maybe enough that when Slughorn finally lets you get on and work in your pairs, you have no idea what you’re even meant to be doing because you can’t stop glancing at the door in case Draco walks through it.

“Hey, Y/N. Am I doing this on my own or something?” Harry nudges you in your side and you noticed you’d been chewing on your lip, a nervous habit of yours, and practically ignoring him for around 5 minutes. “You have no idea what we’ve got to do, do you?” He questions, an amused look on his face and you feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment at how out of it you’re acting just because your boyfriend isn’t near you. Since when did you get so clingy? This has to stop, Draco’s fine, you tell yourself as you attempt to focus on Harry’s words. “Okay, well we’re brewing Dittany. Remember we went through it last night? The potion that heals wounds? I- ok, Y/N, what’s up? You clearly can’t concentrate so what’s bothering you?” Harry cuts himself off with a tone of voice laced with concern but all you can do is feel full of regret at the mere mention of the previous night.

“I’m fine, just didn’t sleep last night. You know it was late.” You tell him with a small smile hoping he’d just drop it but this is Harry Potter and he seems to have a need to know everything and clearly he knows you’re lying. Of course you wouldn’t tell him everything though, Draco would hate you if you told Harry anything personal about him so you wouldn’t but it wouldn’t hurt to just get some of the anxiety out. But as soon as he pulls a face that shows he knows you’re talking shit you decide you can’t be bothered to lie. “Draco was still awake when I got home last night. He was still awake and he was so upset with me, Harry because I lied to him and I shouldn’t have done that and I haven’t seen him all morning.”

Your words come out in a hurry as though you’ve been waiting for a chance for this to all spill out and it takes Harry telling you gently to shush for you to stop rambling. “So he’s mad at you because you were out late? Merlin, who does he think he is, your mother?” Harry jokes, he’s forgetting that he’s not talking to his normal friends and that you’re Draco’s girlfriend so maybe it’s not the best person to slag him off to. “Sorry. It’s just, why would he wait up for you like that? You’ve been together for like 2 years, surely he trusts you by now.”

“He wouldn’t normally wait up for me. He knew I was with you and- well, he’s not exactly fond of you and I also lied about where I was going because of that reason.” Harry nods in understanding, obviously trying to reign in any unkind comments he may have about Draco which you appreciate because it makes it so much harder to be friends with someone who talks that way about the person you love. “But he’s so different.” You start and you can tell Harry’s interest has peaked now. “Since we got back to school, he’s not himself, you know? He tells me he loves me and I know he means it but it doesn’t feel the same. And he’s so distant, not just with me, with everyone. He wasn’t even that angry last night, just sad and he went to bed without sorting anything out and no one has seen him all morning.” You think for a second that ranting to Harry about this isn’t the wisest choice because the chances are he doesn’t care. But maybe that’s best. Maybe it’s best it’s not mentioned again.

“Listen, he’s probably just stressed. Everyone knows whats going on with the Malfoys, it’s in the Daily Prophet at least once a week. You can’t blame the bloke for letting it all get to him.” Harry’s trying his best to sympathise with Draco but you know it’s bullshit because Harry hates the Malfoys and Harry thinks that Lucius deserved to be in Azkaban and even if he did, Draco didn’t deserve to be on the front of papers, his family name dragged through the dirt. You feel a slight rage a Harry’s nonchalance at the matter when he’s partly to blame for this in the first place. But you don’t linger on it because you’re not a Death Eater apologist and if it wasn’t Harry that caused it, Lucius would have been arrested a little further into the future. You know that. “He’ll come around.” Harry assures you, placing his hand on your arm as a friendly gesture of comfort. You’re glad slightly that even if Harry is internally revelling at Draco’s suffering and planning to tell his friends all about it after class, he’s keeping it to himself.

The door to the classroom opens when you give Harry a comforting smile and when you hear the should of it crashing shut your head shoots round to who it could be. Draco. Your eyes fix on his momentarily, your heart beat getting faster and then his eyes flicker from yours to Harry’s hand on your arm. Then his expression turns cold and he’s shooting daggers at Harry with his eyes and you want to yell at him that this isn’t what it looks like but you’re in class and he’s already made his way to his seat. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is going to end up with another argument, you’re so tired of arguing with Draco. It’s never been like this before. Sure, you have the odd disagreement like any people who spend a lot of time together but its never like this.

When the class is dismissed, you feel your heart sink and Harry shoots you a look that both pities you and wishes you luck as you wait outside the door for Draco. You smile at him briefly before your attention is drawn to your boyfriend when he leaves the classroom. At first your mind goes blank, something that is new to you because you’re never at a loss for words, especially with Draco. “I’ve been looking for you all morning.” You mutter, slightly surprised that Draco is actually walking side by side with you; you half expected him to rush ahead so he didn’t need to be with you.

“I was busy.” Draco’s words are short and he’s fiddling with the ring on his finger, something you know he only does when he’s feeling angry or nervous but trying to hold it back. You really don’t know which of the two he’s feeling. “You didn’t seem all too bothered though.” He scoffs, nodding his head back to classroom and you know he’s referring to Harry. Harry’s hand on you. “The two of you are getting rather friendly, aren’t you? Imagine that; my girlfriend and the Boy Who Lived. It’s tragic.” The way Draco talks about Harry, there’s so much hatred in his voice and a slight chuckle of disbelief at what he just said. “That is if you still want to be my girlfriend.” He adds but there’s no uncertainty in his tone, he’s not worried.

“Of course I do.” You rush, your heart beating a thousand times faster than before because what if he breaks up with you? Surely he wouldn’t, not over something like this. “Draco, there’s nothing going on with Harry and I, I swear.” Draco scoffs so you grab his hand and stop him from walking; turning him to face you. “I love you. Only you. I’ll stop talking to Harry, I’ll never speak to him again just- I love you, okay?” You hand stays gripped on his as you speak and his eyes are scanning your face, judging you. He’s good at that, knowing exactly how you’re feeling just from looking at you and it’s nice most of the time because he’s always known when you’re sad without having to tell him but now feels different. Because he’s trying to decide if he should trust and he should but there’s never been this problem before.

“I don’t want to tell you who you can’t be friends with.” He finally says with a defeated sigh, his gaze softer than before and he’s holding your hand now by his side. “I don’t want to tell you what you can’t do, who you can’t see. That’s not me. I don’t do that shit.” He explains and you nod a little because it’s true, Draco may have always got a little jealous or possessive but he’s never told you what to do. But that was before this year and you’re thinking maybe he’s going to tell you that you can’t see Harry anymore because he’s different this year – everything about him is different. Even his appearance is different; his skin paler, his eyes darker and he’s still Draco, your perfect Draco but you’d be a fool to say you couldn’t see the change. “I just- you have no idea how furious I feel when I see you with him, just you and him. It makes me crazy Y/N, and I don’t know how to cope with that on top of everything else I have to do.”

“I’ll stop seeing him. I don’t care.” You state quickly without thinking and it takes you a while to click what Draco just said… ‘everything else I have to do’. What the hell does that mean? And then you recall him stating he was busy this morning and you feel the curiosity rising inside you but now isn’t the time to ask questions because Draco’s free hand is caressing your cheek and you lean into the touch as his face draws closer to yours.

“I love you.” He whispers as his lips finally meet yours and the worries from just a few seconds ago have left your mind because the kiss is magical in every sense of the word, just like every time your lips touch him. Questions would come later, maybe tonight. Now you just need to be glad he doesn’t hate you. Now you just need to enjoy the closeness because you missed this so damn much.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s been two days since you promised Draco you wouldn’t see Harry anymore, two days since he kissed you and actually meant it for the first time since you were back at school, two days since you started to worry about what he’s been busy doing for the past few weeks. But you haven’t asked yet. You haven’t asked him yet because everything’s going perfectly, he hasn’t disappeared since you last asked him about it and as a matter of fact, he hasn’t left you alone for a minute. In the common room he wraps his arms around you as you both chat with your friends, in the Great Hall he steals small kisses between conversations and mouthfuls of food, in the corridors he holds your hand and everything feels normal. You don’t want to risk it, you don’t want him to go back to being distant because you missed this closeness, this familiarity so much that you wouldn’t know what to do if it all slipped away again. 

And so you haven’t said anything about what he said the other day and you’re laid in bed, everyone’s asleep and you think now’s the time you can finally sneak to the boy’s dorm and be with Draco. God, it’s been so long, you think you’re about to go crazy but now everything is back in order, maybe it’s time to slip into that old routine. You hiss at the freezing cold floor of the dorm room hits your feet once you’ve swung your legs off of the bed, contemplating wrapping your robe around you to keep you warm but deciding against it because Draco’s dorm isn’t far away and the robe would be on the floor in a matter of minutes anyway. 

As soon as you enter Draco’s dorm, you hear the steady breathing of everyone fast asleep and you're already thinking of how you're gonna wake him. You usually wake him quite gently and then straddle him over the covers, kissing his face and his jaw and his neck until he comes round. When it's the other way around, he usually wakes you urgently, his eyes full of lust and desperation because when he comes to you, he needs you as soon as possible. He's never been the most patient. Tonight, however, when you've closed the door as quietly behind you, you turn around to see Draco is still awake. He's reading and Merlin, he looks so good when he’s engrossed in a book, the focus on his features is is fascinating. But you're not here to stare at him and the way he looks over his book with that smug smirk makes your knees feel weak. 

Draco closes his book as you approach, sitting it on his bedside table before he attention turns back to you and you sit on the bed – your legs either side of him, straddling him. “Fancy seeing you here.” Draco grins, his hand on your hip and this is so fucking nice you think. You notice the way Draco’s other hand reaches under his pillow for his wand and he mutters ‘insulato’, the usual silencing charm before both his hands are resting on your hips. He’s wearing a shirt and sweatpants, which is odd given the fact it’s the middle of the night and normally Draco doesn’t wear anything except underwear to sleep but you don’t bother to mention it because he probably just got too into his book to get changed yet and it doesn’t really matter at all anyway since he’s not going to be wearing it in a few minutes. 

“Oh, you know, I got a little bored.” You shrug simply as though you both don’t know exactly why you’re here in the dead of the night but of course you do and it’s been such a long time, you don’t even know why you’re bothering to talk. “I was thinking maybe you could help me out.” Draco chuckles lightly at your words and his laugh is like music to your ears, you don’t think there’s a nicer sound in the world. Except maybe when you’re fucking and your name rolls off his tongue along with those exquisite moans and oh god, this needs to hurry up because Draco really is a work of art and you don’t remember the last time you wanted him this bad. 

“Yeah?” Draco tilts his head to the side, amusement glinting in his eyes but also a hint of lust that makes your whole body weak. “Maybe I can.” He speaks and his tongue runs over his bottom lip just as he’s finished speaking, you can’t stop your eyes flickering from his eyes to his mouth and back up again before you lean forward. You don’t kiss him just yet though, your forehead rests against his and you can feel his breath hot on your face; it smells of mint and- and just Draco. Everything about him smells so gloriously Draco and you know that seems obvious but there’s no other way to describe it. 

It’s Draco who presses his lips against yours, his hand automatically moving to twist in your hair and your lips lock together perfectly. It’s a slow kiss at first, as though you’re both savouring it because even though you’ve kissed quite a bit over the past few days, it hasn’t been like this. Draco’s lips are slightly chapped, probably because of the way he chews them when he’s nervous but they’re still so soft. And when his tongue swipes against your lip, you open your mouth to give him access and your tongues collide with each other; perfectly in time. The kiss is deepening now, you can tell from the way Draco’s pulling on your hair harder than before and you let out a quick whimper of satisfaction into his mouth which only serves to make him wrap his fist in the locks just that little bit harder. 

Sometimes sex with Draco is gentle, sometimes he caresses your face and kisses you softly and everything’s slow and sweet with muttered ‘I love you’s and his hands all over your body like he can’t get enough of you. Other times, he’s the opposite of that. Those times, it’s rough and dirty and he fucks hard with his hand around your throat and you grip him so tightly that your nails dig into his shoulder and there’s scratches and occasionally you’ve drawn blood but it doesn’t even matter. You don’t know which kind you prefer; you don’t know if you even have a preference but you’re sure tonight’s going to be the latter. Tonight he’s going to be in control and you’re going to take It and you’re going to love every second because it’s been too fucking long. 

Eventually, you have to pull away from the kiss to breathe and when you look at Draco now, he’s not anywhere near as composed as he was just a few minutes earlier. His eyes are clouded over with lust, eyelids low and his cheeks a slight hint of pink so clear against his pale complexion. His lips are redder too and parted as he tries to fill his lungs with air. Work of art, you think again as you stare down at him. You return your lips to him, this time to his neck, kissing along the soft skin and sucking ever so slightly. Maybe just enough to leave a mark because there's few things you love more than seeing a hickey on your boyfriend’s neck and knowing you gave him it, knowing that everyone else knows you gave him it and they're jealous because who doesn't want to give Draco Malfoy a hickey? 

Draco’s turned on, really turned on, something made obvious from the fact that you can feel his bulge beneath you and he's hard. Hard enough for you to feel it through the layer of sweatpants and underwear. And so you push your hips down, your crotch pressing against his hard enough for him to feel the friction and a low groan of pleasure falls from his lips. That sound is fucking intoxicating. So you do the motion again, just a little harder this time. “Fuck, Y/N.” He mutters under his breath as you continue the movements and you're sure you could go on like this all night because he looks so good when he's lost in pleasure; head thrown back, lips parted. 

You suddenly realise that the two of you are fully clothed and while you're having the time of your life hearing Draco make those delicious sounds, it's never going to do when you can’t touch the rest of him. And so you begin to work on his shirt buttons, starting from the bottom you pop them open one-by-one until it comes undone and Merlin, his skin is so beautiful. His chest so pale, so untouched and perfect. Except Draco’s stopped making noises now, you were too lost in undressing him to notice but he's not making a sound. He’s breathing fast though and you're starting to think maybe it just doesn't feel good anymore but his breath hitches when you grind yourself into him. Maybe it's just nothing then, you think to yourself as you continue to remove his shirt. And that's when he goes stiff, as though he just had a sudden change of heart before he pushes you off. He doesn't do it roughly, he's gentle and you're still straddling him, you can still feel him hard beneath you but you're not doing anything about it anymore. “I can't.” He speaks quietly and immediately starts to button up his shirt. Why is he even putting it back on, surely he'll be taking it off when he sleeps anyway – Draco hates sleeping with clothes on especially long sleeves. But that's not the issue right now. 

“Well, it certainly feels like you can.” You just, rocking your hips slightly to show you're talking about how hard he is and his breath catches again but he resists it and you take that as a sign to get off of him. Instead of straddling him, you sit cross legged at the end of his bed, your eyes studying him as he kicks of his sweatpants but he still leaves that damn shirt on. 

“You can get into bed, you know? Just ‘cause we’re not fucking doesn't mean you have to go.” Draco tells you and you know that, of course you're not going to leave but you also don't want to get in bed yet. He can't expect to just switch off like that and not have you ask questions about it. Draco probably thinks you're cross with him right now, partly correct. You're just slightly annoyed that he left you feeling horny without an explanation. Annoyed that he won't tell you why he was practically going to come in his pants right there if you kept grinding on him but it suddenly didn't matter a bit. Annoyed that he's keeping that fucking shirt on because it won't be as nice cuddling him if it's not his warm skin against yours. “Merlin, if you're wanting to get off that bad I'll eat you out. Come here.” Draco spoke with exasperation and you roll your eyes as he makes room for you to sit beside him. 

“Always the romantic, Draco.” You tease with a small giggle and a shake of your head, a smile playing on your lips. “I think you're the one who needs it more than me.” You nod towards the rather obvious bulge in his underwear before meeting his eyes again, a smile still on his face from your previous remark. All he does is shrug in response as though he doesn't care about his situation and that's so unlike Draco because you're sure he spends half his life having orgasms - you've become acquainted to his high sex drive over the years. Though you remember that this year hasn't been the same, you've not had sex once and maybe he just can't be bothered anymore. “Why can't you do it?”  
“Do what?” Draco asks absentmindedly and you swear all you ever do around him is roll your eyes; you also uncross your legs quickly to kick him in the leg as a way to get him to pay attention. “Oh! Oh right, uh, I don’t know.” That's it. That's his explanation for him acting so unlike himself. “Is it me you're concerned about not getting off? ‘Cause I'm fine babe, honestly..” You know he's avoiding your questions now, he's bringing in his crass humour from earlier as a defence mechanism and you don't know exactly why he doesn't want to talk to you. In fact, you have no idea why.

“Draco.” You sigh, crawling up the bed to lay beside him except he's over the covers right now and you're just a little too cold in just your night gown so you snuggle under them, the heat radiating around you. “What's going on with you?” And you’re not just referencing this, you’re referencing everything that’s happened since the start of the year. The overbearing jealousy, disappearing without any reason, distance between the two of your that you certainly didn’t do anything to create. Everything’s different and you think it’s about time he gave you some explanation. 

“Honestly, just because I don’t want to have sex, doesn’t mean I have some huge problem.” He groans, rubbing his face in his hands as though this is a conversation he’s already bored of – it hasn’t even started yet. “I’m fine, Y/N. My summer was shitty, everything about it was shitty and I was dreading coming back here and facing everyone but now I’m here, it’s not so bad. I’m okay.” Draco doesn’t lie, not to you at least, except the way he’s twisting that ring on his finger and he’s biting his bottom lip, his eyes looking anywhere but you makes you think otherwise. Maybe he’s not lying but he’s not telling the whole truth. 

When Draco is reluctant to give information, it really isn’t too hard for you to just get him to spill it because the two of you always tell each other everything. Always. That’s why this is hard for you to comprehend, what in the world could be so bad that he’s practically refusing to let you know. “That’s not it.” You state and you notice the way Draco scowls a little, not properly and not in a malicious way, more because he knew he couldn’t get something past you and yep, you’ve noticed again. “The other day, you said you didn’t want me seeing Ha- you didn’t want me seeing Potter because you couldn’t deal with that on top of everything else you have to do. You said you were busy. What’s going on?”  
“Nothing’s going on!” Draco’s voice is raised a little, the stress from your questions obviously already getting to him because he wouldn’t be talking loudly if he didn’t feel a little put on the spot. “I meant work, okay? In case you forgot, we sit our NEWTs next year and I don’t know about you but I plan to pass them so I don’t have to spend a year longer in this sorry excuse for a school.” You can’t help but smile a little at his words, it’s rather amusing to you how bitter he can be sometimes but the smile fades fast because maybe Draco is a little pissed off now. Surprise, surprise – you knew that he wouldn’t stay happy for long, he never does lately. 

“I’m only asking because I care about you.” You whisper as he starts getting under the covers beside you and you take that as opportunity to snuggle up to him, resting your head on his chest. Even if he is pissed at you, he moves his hand to your hair nonetheless, automatically stroking it as you close your eyes. “You’re different this year, you can deny it all you want but I know you and I know you’re different.” 

“That’s not true,” Draco mutters firmly and you can’t argue with him when he’s being stubborn (which is most of the time), there’s nothing more you can say to him really. “Maybe you’re just looking at me differently, maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”   
Sadness fills your body at his words, he probably doesn’t know that upset you but it did. You don’t know me as well as you think you do. Surely he doesn’t mean that. You’ve always told each other everything, in the six years you’ve known each other, you’ve both prided yourself on the fact that you know the other better than they know themselves. It’s no joke either, most of the time you’re able to know what Draco’s thinking before he even says it and vice versa. Not anymore though, you haven’t been able to tell what he’s thinking for months. He’s so… so blank. Draco suddenly feels distant again, as if these days of closeness didn’t even happen. 

And when you can’t think of anything to say in response to his words, you mutter a quick goodnight and ‘I love you’ but you get no response. He’s already asleep. Maybe it’s time to give up trying to figure out what’s wrong with him, maybe you really are just drifting apart and he’s wanting to do things alone. You’re not entirely sure when you managed to fall asleep but you did so to the sound of your boyfriend’s breathing and a heavy heart as you wondered if things would ever be the same again.


	4. Chapter 4

The school feels empty lately, more empty than you ever thought could be possible when surrounded by thousands of people every day but no amount of people can replace that feeling of… of nothingness. It happened so suddenly, the break up, and you feel stupid for saying you didn’t see it coming but you always thought there wasn’t anything you and Draco couldn’t work past. Clearly he didn’t feel the same.

_“Wh- Draco what are you talking about?” You stammer. Jesus Y/N, stop acting like a fumbling idiot, you’re supposed to be a Slytherin not a damn Hufflepuff, you think to yourself. But Draco’s words are echoing through your mind. ‘I don’t think I can do this anymore’. You perch on one of the armchairs in the common room, your hands shaking involuntarily so you twist them together as a way to distract yourself from it._

_“It doesn’t feel right.” Draco tells you and he’s not looking at you, he hasn’t looked at you since this conversation started. Instead he stares directly into the fire and you pray for someone to burst in the door and stop this conversation because it’s already hell. “Everything’s different now. You won’t understand and I don’t expect you to but it’s just different.”_

_“I can try to understand, if you just- just…” Your words trail off because Draco’s stubborn and he’s made his mind up and you know there’s no way of changing it. He’s hurting, struggling with something. You know that much and you’ve known it for a while but it’s something he’s not willing to share and now it’s lead to this. “I’m really sorry that you feel like you can’t talk to me anymore.”_

_“Its not that. I want to, Y/N, more than you can imagine but I just can’t.” You can hear the sorrow in his voice, the sadness that you’ve heard time and time again but never in this situation, never when you can’t even comfort him because you’re sure you’re feeling just as bad. “I love you but I can’t do this. I think- I think that it’s best we stay away from each other for a while.” Draco looks like he’s forcing these words out right now, he’s so reluctant to say them and you almost feel slightly angry because why the fuck is he saying this if he doesn’t want it? But you don’t lash out like you want to, you just sit there. The reality of the situation sinking in. “I’m sorry.” ___

__‘I’m sorry.’ Those are the last words Draco uttered to you before he headed up to the dorm room two weeks ago. He hasn’t said a word since. Hasn’t even looked at you. You’ve taken to sitting in the library in your spare time, somewhere most Slytherins wouldn’t hang out and you’re either intentionally early to meals or go without – your appetite hasn’t really been the same. It’s not that you’re isolated from everyone, or at least if you are it’s by personal choice and not any prejudice against you. You just can’t deal with the questions, the silence that falls between everyone around you when Draco joins the group. It’s tense and everyone feels it and you don’t want to ruin the whole atmosphere and so you stay away._ _

__You cried a lot the first few days, cried more than you thought you could possibly cry and no matter how many times Pansy tried to cheer you up with chocolate from the Great Hall, nothing changed. You didn’t miss any classes though and in those classes where you usually sat with Draco, you ended up in the spare seat next to Longbottom which evoked numerous murmurs from the rest of the class. It didn’t take long for the rest of the school to figure out what had happened; you suspected half of them would be pleased to hear about it. Now it’s not so bad, you still feel empty inside and you still spend half your days wondering if Draco feels the same because even when he’s sat with Blaise and Greg, there’s a vacant look in his eyes. You’d give anything to know what’s going on in his head but you’re even further away from finding out the truth now than when your suspicions first arose._ _

__Blaise approached you the other day and his comforting demeanour gave you somewhat of an escape from the turmoil in your mind; he came to find you in the library, explained to you about the club Professor Slughorn has for his top students – he definitely didn’t forget to mention that he, Blaise Zabini, was one of those students several times; modesty isn’t a top priority with Blaise. Blaise suggested that you be his date for the party, a way to take your mind off of things; he also made sure not to mention the ‘D-word’ in case you turned into an emotional wreck which he probably expected all girls to do after a break up. Perhaps if he’d done so a week earlier you might have but for now you appreciate his gesture of referring to the break up as ‘the thing’ and numerous other vague terms. At least he was trying. You declined his offer though, claiming you really weren’t up to it but thanking him anyway because that was the most considerate gesture anyone’s offered since ‘the thing’. Blaise understood completely and left you with a brief comforting hug and a warning telling you to not be a stranger or he might just have to drag you out of that library himself._ _

__You kept your promise to Draco though, the promise that you’d stay away from Harry and you don’t know if that’s because you’re hoping he’s still watching you from the back of the classroom and there’s a chance he might change his mind if you keep it up but you do it nonetheless. You barely speak a word in potions class, Harry mutters the odd instruction to you and you ask small questions but you haven’t had a proper conversation for a long time now; sometimes it seems silly to you to keep that promise but you don’t stop. Harry questioned you about it at first, asked you what’s going on with you because you were being quiet and after getting so friendly that wasn’t something usual. You didn’t explain things properly though, a few words of explanation and that was it – Harry accepted that was how things were now. After all, since when were Slytherins and Gryffindors best friends?_ _

__That’s why it shocks you when someone plonks down beside you in the mostly empty Great Hall as you’re studying. Part of you thinks it might be Draco at first, he used to always just jump in the seat next to you and then you’d end up not doing anymore work because he’d talk and talk and talk and you’d listen with open ears and laughter and Merlin, you miss him so much. Your heart sinks a little when you turn to see Harry, smiling at you as though he’s cautious but trying not to appear that way. You try your best not to show the disappointment, instead opting for a quick “Hello.”_ _

__“Hi, look, I know things have been awkward between us lately and I can’t really figure out why but you seem lonely anyway so i thought what’s the harm in talking to you, okay?” Harry rushes and you just nod, his words not really registering but he seems to actually want to talk to you about something important given the way he’s rushing though formalities. “Do you remember potions class, a few weeks back? You told me that you thought Malfoy was acting different and-and he was late to class and it was all really suspicious?” Of course he’s here to talk about Draco, he wouldn’t be here to offer friendly support. No, instead he wants to rub it in by discussing the one person you don’t want to think about._ _

__“Harry I don’t want to talk about him.” You lower your gaze to the table rather than Harry’s face and silently hope that he’ll get the message fast as just move on. He’s probably been waiting to approach you about this for weeks and your break up was probably just an inconvenience to him because he won’t be able to get any more gossip about Draco. Now he’s thinking that it’s been long enough since the break up for you to feel okay again, except it’s not been long enough. Two weeks isn’t anywhere near enough time to recover from losing your best friend, the only person you ever felt truly comfortable with. Harry clearly doesn’t understand that._ _

__“The other night, I was at Slughorn’s party and Malfoy was there, he wasn’t invited, was he?” Harry asked you and you simply shrugged, you doubt it given his family background – Slughorn tended to avoid inviting students with Death Eater relatives - but how the hell were you supposed to know? It’s almost as though Harry is completely oblivious to what had happened. “Oh well, he was there and he was up to something otherwise why else would he have been there? Filtch found him and he claimed he was just gate-crashing but Malfoy wouldn’t be that arsed to gate-crash a teacher’s party so I-“_ _

__“Stop talking.” You murmur, cutting Harry off mid-sentence and to your shock he actually does shut up. “I told you I don’t want to talk about him. Do you think now we’ve broken up I’m just going to sit here and tell you everything about him so you can warp it into something suspicious all because you saw him at a party? You’re wrong if you think that.” You tell him pointedly, your tongue sharp and he looks at you a little dazed before guilt spreads across his features. “Just because Draco and I aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean I’m going to help you and your friends come up with crazy conspiracies about what he gets up to in his spare time. Surely you’re past that by now as well.”_ _

__Harry is clearly lost for words by this point and you hope that he’s taken that as a cue to leave because this conversation is something you’re really not prepared to deal with right now. “I-uh, you’ve broken up?” Harry questions, his brow creased. “I just thought you had an argument or something, I didn’t know, honestly. Merlin, I’m sorry that was so stupid of me.” His words come out as a ramble as though he has no idea what to do in this situation and you get it, you don’t expect anything from him. “Are you okay? What happened?”_ _

__All you can do is shrug at first, what else can you say? You don’t feel sad anymore, just numb and that’s what the shrug shows. “I’m okay, it was hard at first but I’m okay now.” You tell him, looking at his face properly now and he looks concerned, you feel a slight ache in your chest at the fact you pushed him away because he must have cared, he must still care if he’s hanging around to ask. “I told you he’s been different; I still don’t know what exactly but I think he was just ready to move on. He said it one night, it was really late and we were in the common room and then suddenly it was over and that’s it. I haven’t really said a word to him since.”_ _

__“You still care about him, don’t you?” Harry asks quietly and you nod your head a little despite it being obvious, he shouldn’t even need to ask. “Well then let me just tell you this, I haven’t told Ron and Hermione yet because I thought it’s all more your business than theirs’ anyway. I’m not asking you to conspire against him, nothing like that but you have to know Y/N. If not for his sake, then at least for your own.” You’re intrigued, you can’t deny that you’re a little interested but that stubborn part of you just doesn’t want to give in that easy. That is until he claims that finding out may be for your own good; you’d probably be an idiot to not want to no. You gesture to Harry, telling him to go on and he looks relieved at the opportunity to keep speaking._ _

__“I followed him when he got dragged out of the party, he was in the corridor with Snape and I couldn’t see anything exactly but Malfoy seemed pretty pissed at him. Snape said something about making an unbreakable vow to protect him and help him and Malfoy kept saying how he doesn’t need to be protected.” Your stomach twists at Harry’s words, dread forming in the pit of his stomach. You’re not entirely sure exactly why you feel that way but you’re sure something terrible must be happening – anything terrible enough for Professor Snape to make an unbreakable vow is definitely worth worrying about. “According to Malfoy, he’s been chosen to do something. I don’t have any idea what he’s talking about, I don’t know if you do but it doesn’t sound great if you ask me.”_ _

__“It’s probably nothing.” You speak as you take time to digest Harry’s words and you don’t know if you’re saying that to put Harry’s suspicions at ease or to stop your heart thudding in your chest. “You know what Draco’s like, overdramatic about everything. And Snape… well, you could say the same for him as well.” You continue and Harry laughs slightly at your simple shrug of the shoulders, it’s true though. But that doesn’t take away the nagging feeling that Draco has got himself into a bad situation._ _

__“Must be a Slytherin thing.” Harry remarks, that glint of amusement in his eyes as you scoff at him, hitting him on the arm lightly with a laugh and he pretends to be hurt but it doesn’t faze you in the slightest._ _

__“Fuck you Potter, I’m not overdramatic!” You raise your voice a little but there’s still a smile on his face as he laughs at your words. He’s probably thinking back to the numerous times in potions when you’d make the slightest mistake and talk for 10 minutes about how you’re not even going to be allowed to sit your NEWTs at this rate. Okay, maybe Slytherins are a little overdramatic._ _

__“If you say so,” Harry simply shrugs, he’s still teasing you and you feel the urge to hit his arm again but you leave it this time. For split second, you completely forgot you weren’t supposed to be talking to him and now you’ve remembered, you feel guilty. But why? Why should you feel guilty for talking to someone your ex-boyfriend doesn’t like? You shouldn’t, is the simple answer, you shouldn’t have to feel bad about it, about enjoying Harry’s company. And besides, as much as you love Pansy, she’s been all over Draco since the two of you broke up and he hasn’t been making any moves to distance himself – granted, he hasn’t appeared to be fully engaged in anything, he probably hasn’t even noticed but that’s not the point. Point is, you shouldn’t feel guilty about having friends even if they are from Gryffindor and even if said friend is Harry Potter._ _

__“Thank you, Harry. For, y’know, telling me about Draco. I appreciate it.” Your words are sincere and waves it off in a gesture that says ‘don’t mention it’ before he starts getting up to leave. “I’m sorry.” You blurt out suddenly before pausing but only briefly because you realise that makes literally no sense out of context. “I’m sorry I’ve been blanking you in class, I don’t mean to be a bitch it was just I didn’t want to upset Draco anymore and then after everything else I just felt really guilty.” Your words come out in a rush and your cheeks heat up a little in embarrassment because you hate admitting when you’re in the wrong and doing so under Harry’s gaze isn’t the most comfortable situation._ _

__“Just forget about it, it’s fine honestly. I’ll see you around?“ Harry checks with you and you agree before he leaves you with a sense of unsettlement and a need for answers in the put of your stomach._ _


	5. Chapter 5

“I mean I knew he’d never actually wanna fuck, he is a Hufflepuff after all, but Merlin – you’ve got no idea what that can do to a guy’s self-esteem.” Blaise drones on in your ear, he hasn’t shut up about this fucking Hufflepuff guy since you got back to the common room almost an hour ago. An hour listening to him complain about how ‘difficult it is to be an attractive gay male in a school made up primarily of straight average-looking guys’. Except, he’s fucked more guys than you could care to name so either Blaise is over exaggerating the amount of straight guys or he’s just _extremely _good at seduction. Probably a mixture of both. All you can do is hum slightly as though you’re actually sympathising with his pathetic display of self-pity. You couldn’t care less. Not when there were more important things going on – like why the hell you hadn’t seen Draco out of lessons since the conversation with Harry and it’s not like you’re always looking for him but curiosity really took over after what Harry told you.__

“’Hm’? Really Y/N? Have you even been listening to a word I’ve been saying? I was turned down by a _Hufflepuff _, a fucking Hufflepuff. The shame. You’d think it’d be the other way ‘round but-“ Blaise groans in frustration at your obvious lack of interest to his apparently dire problem. Maybe he’s worried that the guy would tell everyone and embarrass him, you know for a fact that won’t happen; Hufflepuffs don’t have it in them to humiliate someone else. But you decide not to tell Blaise that; the Slytherin in you wanting to make him suffer a little more for boring you with this.__

“Why don’t you just fuck Theo? He’s always up for a shag.” You fake a light tone, a small smile to make it seem like you’re completely disinterested. And usually you’re not, usually you like hearing about this stuff but today you’re distracted. Blaise just feigns an over-dramatic yawn in response, rolling his eyes. He’s too damn picky. “Well don’t come crying to me when you’re pissed off over your sexual frustrations.” You huff teasingly and he just folds his arms across his chest, making a point of looking as though he’s in a sulk.

That is until you both hear the door to the common room slam shut, the sound echoing around the dungeon causing the room to fall silent briefly. An extremely angry Draco Malfoy had just entered the room. You can tell he’s pissed because his jaw is clenched so tight you can see it from the sofa in the middle of the room, his eyes are downcast but as he walks closer to go to his dorm you can see from his eyes that he’s furious. The room is already full of talking again, Draco’s rather dramatic entrance forgotten about in a matter of seconds by the majority of the people in the room but not by you. And apparently not by Blaise.

“Hey, Y/N.” Blaise taps you on the arm as your gaze followed Draco up the stairs and as you turned to Blaise, you see a mischievous glint in his eye. “Since you and Draco aren’t together, you wouldn’t mind if he was my next shag, would you? He looks super hot when he’s angry like that, don’t you think? Shame he’s strai-” Before another word could leave the boy’s mouth, you lift a cushion up off the sofa beside you and throw it directly at his head. His laughter at your reaction is audible even muffled by the cushion. Honestly, you’d have laughed along to his silly little joke if it wasn’t for that gnawing feeling in the back of your mind that everything really isn’t okay.

“One more word and I’ll hex you, Zabini.” You warn, a challenging yet playful look in your eyes and Blaise lifts both his hands in the air in mock-surrender. You love Blaise, really you think he’s one of the only trustworthy friends you have left in this school. “I think I’m gonna talk to Draco.” You tell him, ignoring the way his eyebrows raise in disbelief because not even he bothers Draco when he’s in one of his bad moods. “Good luck on your quest in fooling some poor innocent guy to sleep with you.”

“Good luck dealing with Mr PMS up there.” Blaise retorts, nodding up to the dorm and you roll your eyes. You can handle Draco fucking Malfoy when he’s having what you like to refer to as one of his ‘moments’, you’ve had years of practice. Draco’s never been the most chilled out person after all.

You stand outside the door to Draco’s dorm for a couple of seconds once you reach it, your heart thudding in your chest so hard you think it might break through your ribcage. Yes, from past experience you know you can handle Draco Malfoy when he’s having a ‘moment’ but now you’re here, you’re not entirely sure you can handle Draco Malfoy at any point after these past few weeks with no conversation at all. Your conversation with Harry flashes into your memory as soon as you start to doubt yourself; his warnings about the conversation he overheard between Draco and Snape combined with a memory of the look on Draco’s face when he entered the common room just a few minutes earlier is enough to pull you back to your senses.

A light knock at the door is all you do at first, hoping to god he hears it but there’s no response and with Draco there is always a response and so you knock again, a couple more times and just that slightest bit harder. “Go away, Blaise!” Draco yells from the other side of the door and you can tell from the distance in his voice that he’s at the other side of the room. Fuck, this probably isn’t the best idea really, coming up here to talk to him. If he’s not even willing to talk to Blaise, he’s definitely not going to want to talk to you. But despite that, you ignore his words and gently push the door open deciding he’s not going to let you in if you ask.

“Draco?” The word comes out as a question at first, your voice quieter than you anticipated it would be but it’s been so long since you were alone in a room with him and you shouldn’t be nervous because he was your best friend but you are. You never had any reason to be intimidated by Draco when you spent practically every minute together, now you sort of had an idea why people felt that way about him. “Draco, it’s Y/N.” He’s staring out of the window when you enter, his hands in his pockets and he’s trying to relax but the second he hears your voice his shoulders tense before he turns to face you. You notice instantly that his eyes are red as though he’s been crying, something you’d only ever seen once before but it’s so clear against his pale complexion that anyone would be able to tell.

“I told you to go away.” Draco’s words are monotone; he won’t even look you in the eye. You contemplate pointing out that actually he told Blaise to go away but you decide strongly against that. “What do you want, Y/N?” Tiredness, boredom leaks from his voice. As though he’s fed up of talking to you even though these are the first words spoken between the two of you in weeks. It hurts a little bit; you won’t deny that.

“You looked upset so I came to see if you were okay.” You’re cautious with your language at the moment, aware that often when Draco is in one of these volatile moods, the smallest wrong word uttered can cause him to lose him temper. You’re really not up for that being directed at you.

“I’m fine.” Bullshit. He’s talking bullshit and you both know it but he’s too stubborn to say anything and you’re too stubborn to let it drop. “It’s not your place to care about how I feel anymore. You don’t have any kind of right to come in here and start insisting I spill everything to you so you if you think that’s gonna happen, you might as well just save us both sometime and leave right now.” All you do is shake your head at his words and you can tell he’s trying his best to bite back an offensive comment of some kind – that makes you feel slightly better, at least he’s a little considerate for your feelings.

“Is that why you ended it then? Just a way to hide yourself away so you don’t have to face the fact that people want answers from you?” Maybe your words came out a little too harsh at that point but you can’t help it. Draco is so fucking infuriating. He didn’t seem all too angry with you since you arrived, just as though he really would rather be anywhere else but in a room with you except at your words, you notice of a flash of rage in his eyes; he holds it back though, completely aware of who he’s talking to. “Look, I can’t help that I care about you. I can’t just switch it off, not after all this time and I hate that you can just do that and it doesn’t bother you but I’m not like you.”

“I didn’t do any of this to spite you, you’re making it sound like I did it to hurt you.” Again, his eyes don’t meet yours as he speaks and you feel the hollow feeling in your chest that you’ve felt every time you’ve failed to catch his gaze – how in the world have things changed so much? All you can do in response to his words is scoff, you don’t fully believe that he did break up with you just to hurt you but there had to be some motivation behind it. “I’m doing it to help you, don’t you understand? I-I’m not the kind of person you want to be around, I’m not who you thought I was and I don’t want to go through all of this again with you so can you just get out.”

It’s the second time he’s told you to leave and it’s the second time you’ve ignored him. You notice the way his jaw clenches, he’s far from calm right now but you know he’s doing his best to hold it back. “Well thank you, Draco. Thank you for being considerate enough to cut me out of your life, how will I ever repay you?” Sarcasm drips from every syllable that leaves your mouth, Draco shakes his head in response.

“How about you leave me the fuck alone for once in your life? I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I have enough shit to deal with without you whining at me because you’re upset. There’s bigger problems in the world, Y/N.” Draco keeps his voice steady and as his eyes finally meet yours, you’re struck by how cold they are. Cold and uncaring, something you’d never experienced from him before.

“Bigger problems like gate crashing Slughorn’s party? Or the fact you’ve got Snape making unbreakable vows to protect you, help you. Except you’re not having that because you’re some kind of ‘chosen one’, right? Merlin, Draco you’re almost as bad as Potter.” Yes, you may be on good terms with Harry right now but that was comment you couldn’t hold back, you knew that would get under Draco’s skin. You can feel the shock resonating from him at your words, his eyes widening just the slightest but he regains his composure as though what you just said didn’t surprise him. Draco hates admitting when someone else has the upper hand.

“You can’t talk to me anymore so you’ve taken to stalking me instead?” His eyebrows raise questioningly as he studies you suspiciously, his eyes trailing down your body and back up to your face in a way that makes you feel more uncomfortable then you’ve ever felt around him. “I must say, Y/N, I never thought of you as being that desperate.” So. Fucking. Patronising.

“I wasn’t stalking you,” There’s no way Draco will believe you when your cheeks have already heated up from the embarrassment. Embarrassment over something that isn’t even true but it seems that your body is dead set on betraying you. “Harry overheard you and Snape in the corridor the other day, he told me and-“

“And then Potter and his little Gryffindor followers sent you to run along and find out as much dirt about evil Malfoy as possible.” Draco cuts you off and you feel shame run through your body at his words even though they’re not true in the slightest. Since when did he begin to think so little of you? And god, it made you so fucking pissed when he patronised you like that, it wasn’t something you were willing to stand for.

“Will you stop being such a prick for just one second and have a proper conversation?” You’re shouting at him now, louder than you’ve ever shouted at him before and you notice the way his eyes darken, now he’s going to mad at you. More than before. You chose to ignore it and keep talking. “Harry didn’t ask me to do anything, I barely even believed him until now. I wanted to hear it from you, and now I know he was right and whatever you’ve gotten yourself involved in scares me so will you just tell-“

You can’t finish your sentence though because suddenly, your back is against the door with a thud that you’re sure would have winded you if you were shoved against the wood any harder. Except you don’t have time to protest because Draco’s lips are on yours, fast and desperate and you’re wondering when the hell he even got close enough to do this but all you do is moan into his mouth as you start to kiss back. This is what you’ve been waiting for. Ever since you got back to school, you’ve been waiting for Draco to want you like this, to want you in an I-have-to-have-you-right-now kind of way and typical that It only happens in the middle of an argument, when you’re not longer together but you don’t complain as his tongue pushes its way into your mouth. And he’s still mad at you, you can tell from the way his hands are pinning your arms by your sides so tightly against the door you can feel the wood pressing into them. You can tell from the way he’s dominating the kiss, his tongue fully in charge and Merlin, you want to run your fingers through his hair more than anything right now but he won’t let go. Not that you mind; part of you remembers that sex with Draco when he’s in this kind of mood is always the best.

Draco’s mouth tastes of fire whiskey and chocolate, he’s been to Hogsmeade today. Most likely alone given the fact that you’d seen everyone else around the school today – where else would he get fire whiskey? The thought vanishes from your mind as his lips leave yours and you find yourself holding back a whimper of dissatisfaction because the way his mouth felt on yours after so long was just intoxicating… you’re practically dizzy from it. But your disappointment doesn’t last long because those lips you’re so familiar with are on your neck now and oh god, you can feel his teeth nibbling on that one area that he knows drives you mad. Your head tilts backwards and hits the door with a thud but you don’t even notice, too focused on the way he’s sucking on your neck and there’s gonna be a mark or several but you don’t care. Draco lets go of your wrists finally and your first instinct is to tangle your fingers in his hair until Draco’s hands are under your thighs. “Jump.” He murmurs against your skin and you do as he says, your legs wrapping around his waist as he starts carrying you towards his bed.

Draco drops you down on to his bed and you crawl backwards so you can rest your head on the pillows, watching as he gets on the bed, one hand either side of your head as he moves his face closer to yours, you close your eyes waiting for him to kiss you again. His lips touch yours and it’s soft and brief, barely even a kiss and more like a brushing of his mouth against yours. And then he pulls away and you can no longer feel the tickle of his warm breath against your face. Involuntarily, you move your head to follow his, just wanting to kiss him, to taste him again but your lips never meet and when you open your eyes, Draco is staring down at you. There’s a smirk on his face, amusement in his eyes laced with a sense of overpowering lust.

“I missed you.” Draco speaks finally and his voice is rough, probably from the excitement of kissing you but your pulse has quickened, your head spinning. “I missed kissing you…” His mouth is on your jaw, light kisses that make your heart flutter. “I missed touching you…” They move a little closer, now he’s kissing the corner of your mouth and oh god, if he just moved his head a little to the left you could taste him again. “I missed fucking you…” Your breath hitches in your throat at his words and his lips press onto yours again more forcefully this time, a whimper escapes you at the power behind his kiss before he pulls away. Fucking tease.

“Draco.” The word leaves your mouth without you even noticing, it sounds more like a plea than anything else, telling him to hurry up because you’ve been waiting long enough and he’s just prolonging everything – most likely on purpose. “Draco, please.” You realise you’re practically verifying his previous comment about desperation right now but you can’t make a single part of you care. You don’t even know where this came from, just minutes ago you were practically screaming at each other and now… well, now Draco’s undone his belt on his trousers and Merlin, you’ve been waiting so long for this. It feels like forever.

Quite clearly, your words have gotten to Draco as he’s not being painfully slow anymore, obviously the teasing was getting to him just as much as it was you. His trousers are off now, discarded to some part of the floor and now he’s just in his underwear and a shirt as he moves towards you, lifting your skirt up to around your waist before grabbing the hem of your underwear. Maybe he’s just as desperate as you for this, not even taking the time to undress you properly. Or maybe, he’s aware that neither of you have locked the door to the dorm and it’d be best to do this quickly. Now your underwear is on the floor also and you feel your whole body tingling with anticipation, watching as he’s now naked from the waist down and he’s kneeling between your legs.

“Tell me what you want, baby.” He purrs, lust laced in every word that leaves his mouth as he stares down at you. “You want me to fuck you?” All you do is nod your head to which Draco tilts his own in response, as though he doesn’t understand. You know he want to hear you say it, he always wants to hear you say, hear you beg for it. And so you comply, your words coming out shakily as you tell him how fucking badly you want him, need to feel him inside you. The words seems to satisfy him enough as he shuffles a little closer to you.

Draco moves one hand to your hip as he moves himself closer to your entrance, guiding himself in position with the other hand and you’re fully aware of how aroused you are right now. A moan escapes your mouth as he enters you, his movement slow but both his hands are gripping your hips so tightly as he pushes into you that you think there will probably be a mark or two when this is done. You can hear Draco’s breathing halt as he pushes into you, a small groan of pleasure leaves his lips once he’s all the way in and when you look up at him, you see the way his eyes are closed, his jaw slightly ajar. Beautiful. Draco only gives you a few seconds to adjust before he starts to move his hips and gods, it feels so fucking good. He takes your sounds of pleasure as a cue to speed up his movements, using his grip on your hips as a way to pull you down to meet his thrusts and that only serves to let him go deeper inside you.

With each thrust into you, he gets faster and harder to the point where your body jolts up the bed each time, the bedframe smashing against the wall. If the common room is quiet enough, there’s a significantly large chance people down there could hear you but neither of you can find it in you to care right now. Especially not when Draco hits that one spot inside you that makes your eyes roll back into your head briefly and he knows he’s found it from the way you grip the bed sheets more tightly than before, the high pitched moan that echoes around the room. “Fuck, Draco. Oh- fuck.” You’re barely able to keep the words in your mouth, not even aware that you’re speaking really. You can feel a heat building up in the core of your body, your stomach tightening and it gets harder to breath in between moans and curses and Draco’s name leaving your mouth.

The sound of your name from his mouth as Draco’s thrusts become more erratic echoes around the room and you know you’re not going to last much longer, neither is he judging by how every breath that leaves his mouth is followed by the most erotic sounds. Fuck, you’d give anything for this to last forever but it can’t and it definitely isn’t going to. In fact, it only takes a few more thrusts before you come undone beneath Draco, your whole body enveloped in pleasure. For a second, all you can feel is the how good you feel, not even aware of what’s actually going around you until you come to your senses as Draco pulls out and collapses on the bed beside you, one arm loosely hanging over your waist as he regains his energy.

You let your eyes trail over the blonde figure beside him, his hair slightly wavier than usual because of sweat, eyes closed only just as his breathing slows down to a normal level. It hurts a little, that you can’t have this all the time anymore. Unless this means he’s willing to try again but you doubt that. Although, you do have a small hope that maybe you can start to talk again now, now you’ve had sex there’s no way he can go back to just acting like you don’t exist. You sigh a little, gently lifting his arm off of you as you swing your legs over the edge of the bed to search for your underwear, standing up as you slide them on. Maybe when you’ve both recovered you can have a talk; not necessarily about Draco’s problems or anything to do with either of you, just a chat about practically nothing seems good enough for you.

“You need to leave now.” A jolt of fear or anger or sadness – you’re not sure which – shoots down your spine as you hear Draco’s voice from behind you, still slow from exhaustion but his words are firm. “This was mistake, Y/N, you have to go. Now.” This isn’t like Draco, this isn’t him. He doesn’t do things like this. Yeah, maybe he’d fuck someone and tell them to leave straight after but not you. He wouldn’t do that to you. Except he has and you will yourself not to tear up but god, how can he break your heart this much with just a few words?

“Are you serious?” Dammit, why does your voice have to sound so small and pathetic? You spin round to look at him and he’s stood at the other side of his bed, fastening his belt and tucking his shirt in. You half expect him to look at you with that amused expression he always does when he’s playing a trick on you but instead he glances at your briefly and shrugs. “I’m not your fucking whore, Draco. I’m not here for you to just have fun with and then forget about until you feel like it.” Your voice is raised now, anger is definitely what you feel as you look at him.

“Then why did you go along with it?” He shouts at you, his eyes flashing with the same anger that must be resembled in yours and you feel your heart sink at the fact that he doesn’t even deny what you said. “No, look, it wasn’t like that and you know it.” Sometimes you hate the way Draco can go from yelling to perfectly calm within the space of a few seconds like he did just now but you know from the steady tone of his voice that he’s still angry. “It- that wasn’t supposed to happen. I don’t know what came over me but it wasn’t meant to happen.”

“But it did happen. Whether you wanted it to or not, it happened.” Given the fact Draco’s lowered his tone, you make an effort to do the same but your words a still sharp. “You have no right to treat me like shit just because we’re not dating anymore, you’ve got no fucking right.” As you observe his face, you notice that he looks a little hurt by your words. This is something that you can’t quite understand because right now, he’s the one in the wrong, he’s the one who fucked everything up again just when you thought things could be okay.

“I’m doing this to protect you!” You laugh in disbelief at his words; typical of a Malfoy to always want to come across as noble even when they’re so clearly out of order. “Don’t you understand? We can’t be together because it’s not safe! You’re not safe with me.” He’s serious, you notice by the frantic tone of voice he has, his wide eyes that show you he’s definitely not saying this to scare you aware. That’s when you realise you’ve never seen Draco look scared before, not completely and totally terrified. That is, not until you saw the emotion briefly flash over his features, quick enough that anybody else who didn’t know the difference between the real Draco and the tough façade he wears every day wouldn’t have noticed it but you do.

“Maybe I’d understand if you actually told me what’s going on. Talking in riddles isn’t helping either of us.” Draco’s eyes are practically pleading with you at this point to just stop asking questions because he wants to tell you, you know that now but he can’t. A small shake of his head as he averts his eyes to the floor confirms your assumptions and you can’t hide the disappointment you feel. “Didn’t think so.” Those are the last words you say before you exit the dormitory and Draco doesn’t even attempt to stop you. He was completely right before – this was a mistake.


	6. Chapter 6

It’s a Saturday and Hogwarts is usually full of life on a Saturday; first-years sprinting around the courtyard, fifth-years snogging in quiet alcoves of the corridors when they think no one can see but of course everyone knows. Today, however, it’s nothing like that. Hogwarts is dull, subdued even, as though there’s a cloud lurking over the castle – this weekend, there’s no children making snowmen on the grass outside. It’s been a week since… well, a week since Draco. And a week since he rushed into the common room looking more distressed than any of the Slytherins have ever seen him. A week since Katie Bell was cursed on her way back to the school. As much as you’ve spent the entire week convincing yourself that the two events weren’t related, telling yourself that even though Draco can be a spiteful prick at times he’d never actually curse someone, you feel less and less convinced by the minute. The rest of the school is quiet because they don’t know what happened to Bell, they fear for their own safety. You’re quiet, sitting in your dorm-room with your head buried in a book but the words blur together and don’t make sense because you’re trying to convince yourself that someone you care so dearly about couldn’t have done something so- so evil.

You’re distracted from your thoughts by the sound of giggling, the door to your room bursting open as Daphne backs into the room, attached to her neck is Adrian Pucey and you roll your eyes so hard you’re surprised they haven’t fallen out of your head. Is it possible to get any kind of privacy in this place? Daphne’s head darts to the side when she catches you, her eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights as she pushes Adrian off of her – the boy looks slightly offended before he notices that you’re there and you notice the way he shoots a sideways glance at Daphne which translates as _hurry up and get her out of here. ___

__“Uh, this is gonna seem like I’m saying this just so you’ll leave and we’ll be alone but I’m not, honestly.” You can’t help but smile a little at the way Daphne is straight to the point but you’d be leaving anyway even if she didn’t have anything to tell you. You know you can’t sit, sulking in your room all day. “I bumped into Professor Snape before, he said you need to go to the hospital wing, something to do with Draco I think but he didn’t really say much about it. Anyway I told him you don’t talk to him anymore but he said-“_ _

__You’re out of the room before she can even finish what she’s saying; Daphne has a tendency to keep talking even after she’s said the only relevant information. To you that relevant information is; hospital wing, Draco. Nothing else matters. Not whatever else Daphne had to say, not the fact that the last time you spoke to Draco you’d been on terrible terms, not the possibility that he cursed Katie Bell. Nothing matters expect making sure he’s ok._ _

__When you arrive at the hospital wing – in record time you assume given the fact you’ve practically ran from one side of the castle to the other – Madam Pomfrey can be seen outside the door, talking in rather hushed voices with Professor Snape. Snape appears to be speaking in a rather demanding way while Pomfrey looks disheartened but as soon as they hear your footsteps, the conversation stops. “Daphne Greengrass told me that you were asking for me, Professor?” You address Snape with a sentence that turns into a question and he nods his head, his lips tight as though he doesn’t particularly want you there._ _

__“Yes. Draco has- “A hesitation and you can tell he’s fighting back a scowl, “insisted that he speak with you. I was reluctant at first, it may hinder his recovery but he was persistent. I suggest you take care as to not anger the boy, from what I heard from Miss Greengrass you’ve been pretty good at that as of recently.” You bite back a remark at his words, initially aiming to say that you were never the one to start those fights but thinking against it because arguing about your love life is not something you were willing to do with Snape of all people. Then you remember the unbreakable vow, and you find yourself fighting back a shudder – you still have so many questions to ask Draco, you briefly wonder if seeing him when he needs to recover is a wise choice. Until you remember he’s asking for you of all people and he’s hurt and you don’t know why and oh Merlin, you need to see him._ _

__“May I please go in?” You ask Madame Pomfrey politely, choosing to ignore Snape altogether because you know for a fact he’s not going to take points from his own house if not completely necessary. Pomfrey simply nods her head, her gaze stern as always even when she gives you a small smile of encouragement before stating she’ll give the two of you some privacy. You thank her before pushing open the door, your eyes scanning the room and noticing it’s empty save for one bed with the curtain drawn at the far end of the room._ _

__When you draw back the curtain, you’re greeted by tired grey eyes and pale skin, paler than you’ve ever seen it before and Draco’s wearing a silk pyjama shirt which is unbuttoned, bandages wrapped around his chest so that you can’t see any of his skin. You take his right hand in yours as soon as you drop down into the chair beside him and he doesn’t recoil at all like you expect him to; his hand grips yours tight and you can see the difference in your skin tone. He lost a lot of blood, his skin is almost translucent. “I didn’t think you’d actually come.” Draco speaks finally breaking the slightly uncomfortable silence you’d been sitting in._ _

__“Of course I’d come, don’t be daft.” You joke as an attempt to lighten the mood and Draco responds with a short laugh that you know is forced but at least he’s fucking trying for the first time in ages. “Draco, what happened? You look like shit, no offence.” Draco just shrugs as a way of showing he isn’t offended, wincing a little at the sudden movement of his shoulders which must have radiated pain over his chest. Your thumb is mindlessly stroking the back of his hand in comforting circles as you wait for the blonde to answer._ _

__“Fucking Potter.” Draco’s voice is weak and your blood runs cold as you hear the name. Harry did this? Harry put Draco in the hospital? You knew these accusations would get out of hand eventually but you never imagined like this. “Don’t look so upset, I deserved it. I was gonna Crucio him. I don’t even know why, I just was so fucking mad and then next minute, I’m bleeding out in the middle of the bathroom. Practically slashed my chest to bits with his wand. Cunt.”_ _

__“You- you were gonna Crucio him?” Suddenly your mind flashes back to Katie Bell and that fucking curse and your throat feels like it’s tightening up because this isn’t your Draco. But you notice the way he looks so sad, so scared of the fact that he’s let you down as his hand grips yours just that little bit tighter and you realise all this can wait. He needs to be okay first. “Doesn’t matter. Then what happened? I mean, how did you get here.”_ _

__“Snape. He used some kind of counter-curse and it healed. Hurts like a motherfucker when I move though.” Snape. Unbreakable vow. He was protecting Draco because of the vows. “Madam Pomfrey says it’ll scar permanently because it’s dark magic but Snape wouldn’t let her look any closer. Says he knows me better and I wouldn’t appreciate her peering at me all hours of day. True but I also don’t appreciate his pointy nose in my business at all hours of the day.” You let out a quiet snort in the form of a laugh at his words and Draco grins at you, a smile that meets his eyes for the first time in months and it’s directed at you._ _

__“Why were you fighting with Harry?” You’re tracing patterns on the back of his hand now, watching your finger trail along the smooth skin before briefly glancing up at him. You purposely avoided saying ‘why were you going to use an unforgivable curse on Harry’ and you both know that but choose not to acknowledge. You also choose not to acknowledge the way Draco’s jaw tenses when you say Harry rather than Potter._ _

__“He’s been following me around for weeks, I got fed up. Simple.” Another shrug of his shoulders and another slight wince of pain. “No big deal, honestly.” Except it is a big deal if Draco was willing to Crucio and it is a big deal that Harry used a curse that got Draco in hospital. Neither of you broach that subject further and your mind starts to wander._ _

__Today is the day Katie Bell finally got out of the hospital wing, there’s no doubt Harry jumped at the chance to speak with her, find out who did it. You’ve been dying to do the same thing all day but never went with it because why would she tell you, a Slytherin of whom she’s never had a conversation with before, of all people. What if she told Harry it was Draco? What if that’s why he’d followed him and that’s why they fought and suddenly you can’t stop yourself._ _

__“Did you curse Katie Bell?” You regret the words as soon as they leave your mouth, shutting your eyes as you expect Draco to tear his hand from yours and tell you to get the fuck out but nothing. When you crack open your eyes, Draco’s face is still and emotionless and this time even you can’t see through his mask._ _

__“Did Potter tell you that?” His tone is defeated and you open your mouth to reply but he starts speaking before you have a chance. “He doesn’t know how to mind his own business. You’d think after six years he’d have gotten bored of stalking me but clearly not-“_ _

__“Draco, did you do it?”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__You nod your head a little, your mouth suddenly feeling dry and your head is spinning as you try to compose yourself but you can’t because this is so wrong. He is so wrong. You can’t be here with him, not now you’ve heard the words come from his mouth. And even as you’re avoiding his gaze, you can feel his pleading eyes on you as you start to pull your hand from his._ _

__“I didn’t have a choice, Y/N. You have to understand; it was an accident.” A rush of anger suddenly courses through your veins as you rip your hand from his now, you don’t think you can touch him now that you know what his hands have done._ _

__“An accident? Spilling pumpkin juice all over the table is a fucking accident, Draco. Not almost killing someone you go to school with!” You’re yelling now, stood up from the chair beside his bed and Draco’s eyes are wide as he shoots his eyes to the door._ _

__“Will you shut up? Do you want me to go to fucking Azkaban?” He’s talking in a hushed whisper but his tone is rushed and despite how much you can barely look at him right now, you shut up. No, you definitely don’t want him to go to Azkaban._ _

__“Just tell me what’s going on, please. I have a right to know what’s happening.” You’re sure the two of you share the exact same thought in that moment – the thought that maybe you don’t have a right because you’re not a couple anymore but Draco just motions for you to sit back down._ _

__“Can you at least look at me? I can’t do this when you’re looking at the wall behind my head.” Hesitation is your first reaction, worried that if you look at him that anger will rise all over again but he’s right. You can’t expect to find anything out from him if you can’t even lay your eyes on him. When you finally do, he swallows deeply before speaking again._ _

__“I did curse that Gryffindor girl-“ You interrupt quickly with her name, Katie Bell, because you think it utterly barbaric for him to not even have the decency to remember the name you said just minutes before. His jaw tightens before his continues. “I did curse _Katie Bell _, but it was never meant to happen. I told her not to touch it, but she had to go and touch it anyway – I can’t help the fact that she didn’t listen to me, can I?”___ _

____“Touch what?”_ _ _ _

____“The necklace. It was a necklace that I asked her to deliver to… someone else. I didn’t intend her to ever get hurt; in fact, I assumed she’d be one person who wouldn’t be stupid enough to trust something I gave her.”_ _ _ _

____“So you didn’t mean to curse Katie but you meant to curse someone else? You were just getting her to do it for you? Oh wow, great. That’s so much better now we’ve got it cleared up.” Suddenly, the rest of the story isn’t anything you want to hear and so you move to stand up but Draco’s voice cuts through the air._ _ _ _

____“You can leave as soon as I tell you. In fact, you will leave as soon as I tell you everything so just… just please let me.” But you’re shaking your head frantically and you’re on your feet now, your whole body shaking as the lump in your throat grows. You won’t cry though, not in front of him._ _ _ _

____“You know what, I can’t do this. I-I can’t. I’m sorry.” Completely aware that you’re on the verge of hyper-ventilating, you turn to walk away and your legs feel like jelly as you start to walk. You don’t know the blonde boy in the bed behind you, the Draco you’ve known for your entire high school life wouldn’t be that way. Your Draco was spiteful and rude and a complete prick to anyone he didn’t like but he always had too much of conscience to physically harm someone – not anymore._ _ _ _

____You ignore the sound of Draco calling after you as you finally figure out how to walk normally, your mind torn between needing an explanation and wanting to get as far away from him as possible. Until Draco’s voice, desperate and rushed, yells the only explanation you’ll ever need._ _ _ _

____“I took the mark this summer, Y/N.” Your feet stop moving and suddenly it’s as though your world collapses around you, your heart ceasing to beat completely. “That’s all I wanted to tell you. I’m sorry, more than anything you know but I love you.” You can’t even bring yourself to turn around, not even when you hear his voice crack and his breathing falter; crying._ _ _ _

____This is too hard. This is not what you signed up for when you nervously sat in the compartment on the Hogwarts Express with the pointy-looking boy just 5 years before. This isn’t what you imagined would happen when his lips first touched yours in the quiet of the night by the fire in dungeons in third year or the night of the Yule Ball when you first told him you loved him and he responded with a ‘love you too’ before calling you a ‘soppy bitch’ and you hit his shoulder lightly with a giggle. You spent nights in your dorm imagining your wedding with the boy, your stomach swirling with excitement because of course you were going to marry him – he’s perfect and you’d never let him go. But now that boy is a Death Eater and he’s a Death Eater who loves you._ _ _ _


End file.
